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Wednesday, October 17, 2007 @ 5:34:00 PM Bestie: Your entry got me very very depressed. I hope life gets better for you, I hope you can runaway from the numbness, I hope you can be happy. I really really feel like bringing you away to some sunny little place without anyone else and we could spend the rest of our lives talking laughing having fun. Many things you said strike some chord somewhere, finding linkages between those stuff and myself. Guess our lives are pretty similar in some ways, despite the distance. Have been missing balcony sessions. Really badly. 4Dee balcony brings a lot of memories you know. From the very cannot make it 4some birthday celebration to your cannot make it birthday song on guitar to attempting to throw cel’s shoes down to emo-ing sessions. Constant reminiscing if the past makes me feel like I’ve suddenly grown old by a lot. You know, like how old ladies always sit on their rocking chair thinking about her days when she was young. The bad thing with NJ is you can’t find a place to emo at all without teachers or others walking past asking if you’re alright. Think viewing gallery, think np room. Those were ours. Having issues with myself recently. My perception of myself is constantly being challenged. I hope you were around to tell me if I am still the old me, I hope you were around to remind me of the past which made me who I am. Because, many times, too many times, I tend to forget myself. Accepting what others want of me, coming to terms to changes, I wish I was better at it like Lindo Jong. & yes, we give away our hearts & get our hearts broken, until there is nothing more left to give to anyone, nothing more left to feel. But just who’s to blame, we do it all too willingly, too tempted by the prospect of forever, too selfish. And just to realize, forever is a lie. Bestie, aiwei, shann. Different people, all the same stuff. Is it some kind of strange trend? & myself, haven’t I had the same wretched feeling time after time. |