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Sunday, December 09, 2007 @ 12:40:00 PM Woke up this morning feeling like how i felt on the day of the release of psle results - knowing i had screwed up the papers and not to expect too much but can't help hoping for some extra kindness from whatever holy forces. It's a kind of dread and the primitive instinct of wanting to escape the ordeal by any possible means and yet unable to move away, because it sucks you right in. I've decided that i'll leave everything to fate, meaning i'd let stubborness and headstrong-ness take a backseat, let nature take its course. Because reflecting on everything that happened in my life, i realised if things were to happen it will happen eventually. You can do all you can to prevent something from happening and to change the ending, but if it wasn't fated to work out, it will never do no matter how hard you try. I was wrong to actually think you control your life, because everything else controls your life and not you. I don't know if it's better to be this way. It makes life easier yes, because you take whatever that comes and accept it. Yet it's tough, as you find yourself slowing letting go of that i-dominate-my-life-and-i-live-my-way kind of fierceness and guts. sweet november, my favourite movie. i've been trying to find the vcd so i can watch with you. i guess this is the best i can manage. come what may. |