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Friday, March 07, 2008 @ 9:21:00 PM I'm fucking fed up and confused with everything. I don't know what I want anymore and I don't know how to face myself and those bloody fucking feelings. I get frustrated with myself and with all the pretense I put up. It's not you, it's me. I fucking can't move on with my bloody life and there's nothing I can do anymore 'cos I've tried everything and nothing worked. I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone but there's just too much that time cannot erase. I hate being so vulnerable, abhor each tear that trickled down, detest every slightest hint of that aching in the heart. I don't know why it still bothers me, I don't know why I still give so much of a damn about everything. I don't know why you still matter to me. Everyday it seems like I'm preparing for a mental war the moment I step into school and I'm tired of plastering on a smile to make you think I'm happy now. Life doesn't become better without you you know, there's a bitterness and void that can't be filled, everything was done for your sake - So you won't worry anymore, so you can finally go enjoy that kind of life you want, without me. But now I get so confused that I don't even know what I want. I don't know what else to do. I don't. I still can't move you outta my mind. So pardon me, forgive me, I miss you. utter rubbish, don't even bother translating it to read. |